It always starts with a blood test, a few days of waiting and then the word that will change everything: HIV positive.

Some give up love and sexuality for fear of being rejected or contaminating their partner. But others, on the contrary, still want to believe in it, refuse to amputate their lives on their most precious part.

If young women today benefit from innovative treatments, limiting the side effects, their elders have seen their body deform, their belly, neck and back to cover with fat, while their limbs and their faces were discharged. This phenomenon, called lipodystrophy, haunts infected women, modifies the image they have of their body, making it more difficult for them to have access to love life or the desire to have one.

Nadia, 49: "I dominate the virus, I play sports, I like"

"When I learned that I was HIV-positive, I was living with a boy who did not leave me, I left, and a few years later I met another HIV-negative boy who also chose to stay with me, the problem is that he did not want to put a condom, it made me feel cold, I did not want to have any more relationship with him, in 1992 I had pneumocystosis and I almost died I was prescribed a new treatment: thirty drugs a day, six tablets every six hours, and I got shingles and, most importantly, I started to look like a 'bibendum'.

I who was hot, I lost all my femininity. I felt ugly, plague.

At the time, I lived in an isolated countryside, with my companion. I was always home alone, waiting for death. I had a burst of energy. I told myself that if I stayed with this boy I was going to die. I left.

In 1999, I came across 'Remaides', the journal published by the association Aides. I responded to the announcement of an HIV-positive man who was looking for an HIV-positive woman to make a living. We made an appointment, then we got married very quickly. After six months, he started to beat me. I was actually in a state of deep depression , I was doing anything. I divorced and started psychotherapy and sophrology . It saved me.

In 2001, I met a man seropo, handsome guy, balanced. We do not live together and we see each other when we want to. At first, we put condoms. But since we both had an undetectable viral load, the doctor told us we could do without it. Checks are done every three months. Today, I'm in great shape. I started to play sports , I work, I like. I tamed HIV. "

The virus and I cohabit, but it is me who dominates.

You have to talk about people like me, who laugh and live. "

Tina, 34: "It's not because I am seroposome that I have to put myself with a seropo"

"I discovered my HIV status during a prenuptial test, my fiance was HIV-negative, the engagement was broken, but we stayed together for five years, pretending to live in complete abstinence." November 18, 2006 I went to a meeting of the association 'Family Committee', where I met HIV positive parents with healthy children It was a magical moment, a revelation: even being "HIV ", I could talk to my fiancé, I asked him if he was ready to follow me in my desire to be a child ... He became more and more confused , forbade me to return to the association.

After a few ultimatums, I found the energy to put an end to this destructive story. A month and a half later, I met a man. When I told him I was HIV positive, he could not believe it. He told me that it did not change anything and that he cared about me. I told him about my past, about my desire to be a child. Two fertilization attempts were made with his sperm in a syringe. It did not work. Then I discovered he was cheating on me. I plated it and registered on Meetic. I had several meetings that allowed me to regain confidence in myself. After two weeks, I came across a man with whom I had a super-feeling. He was crazy about me. When it became clear that we were going to make love, I told her that I was HIV positive. He told me that it was very painful for me ... and I did not see him again. The virus broke what could have been a nice story.

It's hard to cash in on that kind of shock. It's so devaluing.

Femininity disappears behind this big dirty and ugly virus.

I am often asked if it would not be easier with an HIV-positive man. It bothers me. It's not because I have this virus that I have to put myself with someone who has it. Today I feel rather optimistic. I am on triple preventative therapy, I do not identify with the virus, it's me who counts. I live difficult things, but my happiness may be more beautiful. "

Fatou, 31: "My husband told me he would not leave me because of HIV"

"I learned about my HIV status during a pregnancy test, only my husband knows about it, and in Congo-Kinshasa, our country of origin, AIDS is totally taboo. My husband has an aunt who has AIDS, no one shakes his hand, it's pretty bad. "

My husband is amazing. When I told him the news, he told me that it was not my fault, that he would not leave me.

Before this pregnancy, I had miscarried.

All my in-laws urged my husband to leave me because I could not keep a child. This is the most painful thing: this family pressure. I could not breastfeed, and I know the whole family is going to be there, blaming me for not doing it, and I'm going to have to tell lies.

We decided to have a second child, and the doctors told us that we could do it naturally. As I live in secret, I write a lot. I know that someday I will tell the truth, I will return to Africa to inform people. "