Chris Brown was shocked at himself when he hit Rihanna.

The controversial musician speaks for the first time about the night in 2009 when he became violent towards the 'umbrella' interpreter. In the new documentary 'Chris Brown: Welcome To My Life', the singer reveals that the evening took a bad turn after he admitted to having had a relationship with a former colleague, although he had previously denied the affair. About the incident, Brown says: "I remember that she tried to kick me somehow, but then I hit her right. With a closed fist, I hit her and her lip cracked open. And when I saw that, I was shocked and I thought to myself, why did I hit her like that? Then she spat blood on my face and it made me even more excited. It was a real fight in the car and we drove on the street. to take my cell phone to throw it out the window and I didn't want to give it to her. "

Brown was aware that the incident would change the relationship of the two forever, as Rihanna lost confidence in him at that moment. He continues: "She hated me. After that, I tried everything. It didn't matter to her, she just didn't trust me afterwards. From then on, it only went downhill, because we argued, verbally and physically." Therefore the musician is also sure that the relationship was never forever: "I still love Rihanna, but I'm just honest: we argued, she hit me, I hit her, but that was never okay. There was always a point where we talked about it and said 'what the hell are we doing here?' "