There’s no doubt that digital technology has changed the way we meet people. I’m showing my age here, one of the last generation of ‘analogue-lovers’. Eyes that met across a crowded room, a smile in a smoky pub (definitely showing my age now!), offering to buy someone a drink and seeing where things went from there. Of course people still meet like this sometimes, but today more often than not we meet new people, for relationships, sex, etc., online.

I’m all for dating websites and apps. They’re a great way of meeting new people, and solid relationships have grown for many like this. From the first sight of a photo, to flirtatious messaging, perhaps more intimate photos, and finally meeting. Who knows where it could go? It is exciting! All that said, it also can be very disappointing.

We are all a “brand” now. Most of us wouldn’t post a bad selfie or image of ourselves online. Of course we want everyone who sees a profile pic of us to get our ‘best side’.  Many of us carefully manage such images of ourselves. It’s natural to want to give an impression that others are going to find attractive. However, speaking from my own personal experience, I’ve met (more than a few) people from dating apps and on occasion I’ve been taken back by the fact the person I’ve agreed to meet is a lot older than the picture they have posted - and in some cases could be a completely different person! Such liaisons can be challenging. That witty banter you had between you online can evaporate in an instant making for an uncomfortable coffee or drink - and you looking for a polite escape route if you can’t bring yourself to say “thanks, but no thanks”.

Back in the days when we used to meet for the first time face-to-face, our expectations were more realistic. We already knew what someone really looked like. It was hopefully what had attracted us in the first place. The next thing was to chat and find out what kind of person they are, if there was any chemistry there? Maybe it would lead to one night of passion, perhaps more? Today, when we meet someone online, our expectations are only relative to the images and information the other person chooses to share. To a large extent they are managing “the brand”. What we choose to do with this, in our own mind’s-eye, is the key. Remember to mind the gap between what information someone has chosen to share with us and our subsequent expectations. At least if someone is ten times better in real life than their profile pic it will be a pleasant surprise.

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The Broken Heart Toolkit by Paul Thorn is out now