Losing weight is not just a matter of diet and pounds off the scales. It is an intimate confrontation with oneself.

Because we lose weight to please ourselves, we lose weight to love and to be loved. To reclaim his story by redrawing his body. To free oneself from archaic yokes too. We lose weight to exist.

In fact, (really) knocking out the rebellious pounds is a complex psycho-emotional metamorphosis, a dive into one's psyche.

We must find the keys to tame his demons and then exorcise them. This is the price to become slim in her head, as evidenced by Elisabeth, 50, without taboos or pretense.

"At puberty, my body became my nightmare because the target of mockery"

"The problem was in me: I did not love myself, I was torturing my body to look like the image I imposed on myself, believing that to be loved and accepted, I had to be thin.

I lived only through the eyes of others, I conformed to their desires, but I did not exist as a person.

It goes back a long way ... Gamine, I was the only family round and, at puberty, my body became my nightmare because the target of mockery. A deep wound. That's how I did my first diet and, until I was 26, I inflicted everything: 400 calories a day made of cottage cheese-green beans-zucchini-salad, 100% natural protein diets, sachets hyperprotéinés, cabbage soup .

I was losing weight: 45 pounds for 1.57 meters, at the lowest, but inevitably I cracked and rushed on food to make up for the hardships. I took again more than I had lost I went up to 110 kilos, suddenly, I squeezed a little more screw.

"When I was getting a little lean, it was never enough"

To me, becoming thin meant that I would finally be happy, that my life would be simpler and more beautiful. A successful woman was necessarily one.

My dream was to be androgynous. For me, it was femininity. In fact, I had a big problem with mine. I envied men because our society favors them, everything is easier for them, they have less effort to provide to be appreciated. I felt an unbearable injustice, as if they were taking my place.

In thinning, I erased the injustice.

As a result, when I lost weight, it was never enough. I verbally abused myself. At 26, a doctor prescribed me appetite suppressants (thyroid extracts, isomeride). Once they were banned, I took 40 pounds in a month and so diets.

"I tortured myself to become another"

In 2012, at last, I considered a gastroplasty.

`You are neither fat nor sick. The only person who can do anything for you is you, 'the doctors told me. It was the first click in my head.

I contacted a nutritionist and saw two psys at the hospital. For the first time in my life, I was taking care of myself ... I started to think that being androgynous was not my physiology. Second click with the linecoaching method, where we follow his feelings of hunger and satiety to lose weight.

I was afraid of getting fat by eating everything, but I saw that I was slowly losing, doing nothing for it.

As I became aware of the flavor of the food, I also became aware of myself, who I really am. I tortured myself to become another, but finally, it was by letting myself live, eating without restraint and without guilt that I lost weight.

Today, I regained my esteem. I have feminine forms where it is needed and I like 60 kilos, my body and my mind are in phase. No more obsession with weighing me: once a month is enough. I do physical exercise and I will learn how to cook. Pleasure came into my life, and not just culinary, because as I hated my body, it was anesthetized, I did not experience anything intimately. I was born to myself. "